Vain HopeOLD VERSION
by beautifully twisted
Summary: Bella's parents and twin brother die in a car accident. Bella feels its her fault \, She starts cutting. Can the Cullens help her or will she not open up to them to let them? Cullen vampire Rewritten to Crushed metal. Better than it sounds later BxE ooc
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 consequence

BPOV

I'm drowning in tears.

I'm breathing in pain.

Im welcoming in hate.

I'm basking in anger.

Im completely not me.

I wish for a time machine.

I wish for all this back to normal.

I wish for my security blanket back.

I wish for me back. And completeness.

You ask why Im like this?

Lets start at the beginning.

_I was turning 17 that day. Mom, Dad, and my brother were going to take me to my fathers restaurant, it was five star. But first lets get to know the Swans. My wonderful mother, Renee Swan, she looked like me in every way but with green eyes. She was a fashion designer she also had new stuff and would let me be the first to wear it and see how many compliments I would get with the piece. She was famous but never put her work before our family. He line was LaBella in Italian for The beautiful. I miss her. My father, Charlie Swan, owned a five star restaurant. He was an amazing cook. He was my protector. The best father. I miss him. And my brother, Alexander Swan, my twin. He was older but by a minute. He IS my best friend. He was my warmth, my light in the surrounding dark, without him Im lost. I miss him. I miss them all so much. Lets skip the situation and move to the consiquence: they are dead. Six feet under in Forks cemetery where Im living with my aunt Christy and Uncle Johnathan. I hate it here,its not that I dont like my aunt and uncle its just that I dont want to be here under this circumstance. _

I need to go talk to Alexander. No I dont see spirits I want to go to the cemetery.

"Christy, Im going out, is that okay?" I asked my aunt.

"Yeah it is. Come back whenever." She responded.

Christy and Johnathan are young, I dont have any boundaries. We live in rainy forks. Their house is three stories. They dont have any pets or kids running around, its pretty peaceful. They go out every-night and I feel more alone if its even possible. I walked to the cemetery in a hurry. I only have been here a week and I know the Town well. Tomorrow is the first day of school, well for me. Im finally here.

I walked over to my mom and dads grave stone and kissed the top of them.

"Hey mom and dad i love you."

Then I walked over to Alexanders grave.

"Hey Ally, I need to talk to someone. I feel so lost. Im so angry, Why does god hate me so much to take you away from me? I cry all the time. And I dont want to fucking cry anymore! I broke every single vase in out home and Phexiox. And you know Renee always decorating. Ally, Why did you leave? I need you. They doctors said you didnt feel any pain, and I know why. I felt all your pain. All of it. I guess its twin stuff. And I feel so much pain, your gone. I wish I could be with you. Its so hard to belive your six feet under me. I thought you would have been here with me burying Mom and Dad but nope Im all alone. Im just going to stay here for a while." I went to his grave and laid down and wrapped my arms around his stone.

"Mom, dad, Alexander Im still pissed your gone but Ill forgive you." With that I drifted in dream world.

I jerked upright screaming. I felt eyes on me and I looked around. I saw golden eyes glowing in the dark. WTF?

"Whos there?" I asked.

No answer.

I closed my eyes and looked again, they are gone.

"Alexander Im going crazy aren't I?"

"Great. Now I hear voices. Ally I love you, Im going home before I harm myself." I kissed his grave and walked out of Forks cemetery. I looked at my watch, mmm its only 1 am. 6 hours till school.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

BPOV

I had the weirdest feeling I was being watched, not by a creepy stalker but my guardian angle. WOW. I really am beginning to think I'm going crazy. I need some help, but who can I go to? Christy and Jonathan are always at work, and I have school during the day now, and they party at night. I don't see how they keep up with anything. Anyway I'm in a new town, new school, who will want to befriend me?

I'm so far form normal. I'm sailing a never ending sea of loneliness. I cant just jump off the raft of survival, Ill drowned. Ill downed in the tears I created, this is all my fault, if I didn't have to go to dinner then they would still be here. I finally made it home, I rushed to the door, I was a girl on a mission to discipline herself. The door was unlocked so I ran up the never ending stairs and ran to my bathroom. I went to the cabinet and picked up the single head off the razor.

I felt my veins tingle as I grasped the tiny razor. I felt adrenaline pulse through me. I lowered the point to my inner wrist, and pressed down and moan of desire escaped my lips. Your probably thinking Im a lunatic but its something I cant stop, I have a sudden urge to make myself bleed out my problems (AN I know Bella hates blood, but what she has been through nothing phases her.) Its ironic but how I cope. After I cleaned my wound I went to shower, Christy and Jonathan still weren't home so I took a shower.

I let the warm water run over my cut and it stung, oddly enough it felt good.

_flashback_

_I was six and Charlie had went out and bought me a big girl bike. He came home and showed me how to ride it, soon enough I was pro, taking risk, speeding up, standing up against the pedals. I was so excited that I forgot my balance and fell to the black asphalt. I remember getting burns on my hands from where I tried to stop my fall. _

I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my wet body. I went to my room and laid on my bed. I didnt think I was actually going to be able to go back to sleep but I drifted into a stupor. I knew I was dreaming but I couldnt wake up, I was in my personal hell.

_I was in a room with no walls, how is that even possible, all of a sudden I saw blurs running up to me. I was grasped tightly in a hug. I opened my eyes and saw someone I thought I would never see again, Alexander. I tried to hug him but he was across the room, I started running towards him, but I wasnt going anywhere and he was backing up. _

_"NO! ALEXANDER! NO, PLEASE COME BACK I NEED YOU!" I screamed. He just cant backing up not saying a word. _

_"Please." I whispered. I fell to the ground and bawled my eyes out. I was all alone now. I knew he wasnt coming back. _

I jerked up and sobbed. I cried fifty thousand tears that night.

"God,Why me?" I asked. Of course no answer.

"Why? Did I not love you enough? Did I not pray enough? Did I not give enough money at church? Was I not worth your love?" I cried. I cried for what felt like a hour.

I looked at the clock, it read 6:50. Ten minutes and Ill have to leave, I got up put on clothes not caring what I looked like, brushed my teeth and hair grabbed the keys to my Porsche and headed to Forks High. I pulled to school lot and walked over to the front office.

"Excuse me." I said softly. The woman still didnt turn around. "Excuse me." I said loudly. She turned around with a slight jump.

"Oh, dear, Im sorry. Lost in thought." She said.

"Its alright. Im Isabella Swan. Im here for my-"

"Yes. I know. Here you go, get this signed by all your teachers and bring it back to me later today. Have a nice day and welcome to Forks."

"Thanks." I was still early and the parking lot was empty, class would start in 20 minutes. Ill try and find the music room. I loved music, and I wanted to sing my feelings out.

I went down the hall and reach room 203 and went in. The room was medium size but what got my attention the most was the lovely piano. I walked over and began to play the song I wrote the other day.

_Na na Na na na na na_

_I miss you  
Miss you so bad  
I don't forget you  
Oh it's so sad_

I want you hear with me.

_I hope you can hear me  
I remember it clearly_

I remember the car hitting us head on and mom and dad dieing instantly but I remember your screams.

_Chorus _  
_The day you slipped away  
Was the day i found  
It won't be the same  
Oh_

I will never be the same

_Na na Na na na na na_

_I didn't get around to kiss you  
Goodbye on the hand  
I wish that I could see you again  
I know that I can't ooooooooooooh  
I hope you can hear me  
Cause I remember it clearly_

I wish I didnt remember.

_Chorus _  
_The day you slipped away  
Was the day i found  
It won't be the same  
Oh_

Never again.

_Bridge _

_I've had my wake up  
Won't you wake up  
I keep asking why  
And I can't take it  
It wasn't fake it  
It happened you passed by_

I remember screaming dont go, please.

_Now you're gone  
Now you're gone  
There you go  
There you go  
Somewhere I can't bring you back  
Now you're gone  
Now you're gone  
There you go  
There you go  
Somewhere you're not coming back_

I tried to reach out to you but you ran away.

_Chorus _  
_The day you slipped away  
Was the day i found  
It won't be the same  
Oh 2x _

No. Never.

_Na na Na na na na na_

_I miss you_

"I miss you Alexander. I love you with every shattered piece of my heart. Come back." I said aloud. I sat there and cried until I heard a cough. I turned around and saw five staring at me. They probably heard me sing and crying. Great.

"Sorry. Im leaving." I got up and ran to my first class.

EPOV

I was taking my family to the music room to show them my new song. I know what your wondering. Why didnt you use yours? Well I would have if stupid Emmett the ass didnt punch it. Stupid Emmett. We were half way there when my vampire ears heard an angle singing...

_Na na Na na na na na_

_I miss you  
Miss you so bad  
I don't forget you  
Oh it's so sad_

_I hope you can hear me  
I remember it clearly_

_Chorus  
The day you slipped away  
Was the day i found  
It won't be the same  
Oh_

_Na na Na na na na na_

_I didn't get around to kiss you  
Goodbye on the hand  
I wish that I could see you again  
I know that I can't ooooooooooooh  
I hope you can hear me  
Cause I remember it clearly_

_Chorus_

_The day you slipped away  
Was the day i found  
It won't be the same  
Oh_

_Bridge_

_I've had my wake up  
Won't you wake up  
I keep asking why  
And I can't take it  
It wasn't fake it  
It happened you passed by_

_Now you're gone  
Now you're gone  
There you go  
There you go  
Somewhere I can't bring you back  
Now you're gone  
Now you're gone  
There you go  
There you go  
Somewhere you're not coming back_

_Chorus  
The day you slipped away  
Was the day i found  
It won't be the same  
Oh 2x_

_Na na Na na na na na_

_I miss you_

_""I miss you Alexander. I love you with every shattered peice of my heart. Come back."_

She sounded like she was in pain.

I looked at Jasper and he said he couldnt feel anything from her it was like she was empty. And I couldnt read her thoughts it was like she wasnt there. I coughed and she turned around and said she had to leave and ran off. Thats when her scent hit me. She was so mouthwatering.


	3. Chapter 3

I SUGGEST YOU READ THE FIRST TWO CHAPTERS AGAIN! I'm STARTING ALL OVER AGAIN!!!

I went to my first class, lit. I loved it, but it was boring because I knew everything that the teacher was talking about. But I was nervous when she told us we had to read something to the class, it had to be a poem of what goes through our mind. I was to scared but it was due tomorrow.

"Sorry class, I forgot to take roll. Hold on a second." She looked at a sheet of paper I assumed to be the seating chart.

"Mhmm. No Edward Cullen." (I know that Edward and Bella only had one class together but now they have two, oh and remember that Edward already caught her sent.)

(NEXT DAY)

I got up, everything was a bore. I sat alone at lunch and didn't talk to anyone. Everyone thought I was a freak. I had done the poem, but I was scared that I would look like a fool in front of everyone.

I went to my truck and had to run to first period, I was so late.

I bust through the door right when the bell rung. I looked around and everyone was staring at me.

"Ah, Ms. Swan, thanks for volunteering to go first to read your poem," Said Ms. Stanford.

"Oh, okay." I mumbled.

I got in the front of the room, and felt so wrong.

(THIS IS HOW BELLA REALLY IS SAYING HER POEM! BTW, I WROTE THIS DON'T STEAL, IF YOU USE IT GIVE ME SOME CREDIT PLZ)

I took a breath, and yelled out…..

"Her mind is going insane, she needs to get out."

"(she talks this part) her mind is reminding her of her past mistakes, mocking her with them."

"(Talks fast) its harassing her, putting thought into her head that aren't hers."

"(Whisper) Her throat is burning, tears in her eyes."

"(Yell) Someone help her. She's drowning."

"(Scream) She's choking on them."

"(Yell) only one way out."

"(talk) no she won't do it."

"(talks, eyes distant) Flashes, flashes of her mistakes!"

"(fast) Metal crashing!"

"(Yell) OH, God, make it stop."

"(Scream) SOMEONE SAVE HER!"

"(whisper) someone save me."

"Wow." Ms. Sanford said. "That was deep, and amazing. Anyone want to comment?"

Some blonde snob raised her hand. "Um, like, I didn't, like get it."

"Well, like, obliviously." I mocked her.

"Why you like, little slut" she said.

"Right, because I'm the one who is wearing an outfit out of the children section that is way too small, and covers nothing." I responded.

Everyone laughed.

"Swan, Marolly." (?) Ms. Stanford called. "This isn't reality TV, knock it off with all the drama."

I walked back to my seat and sat down, a golden eye boy looked at me and said "I liked it."


End file.
